Aiesha: Don’t compare yourself and your kids to others

Aiesha: Don’t compare yourself and your kids to others

(This article is part of a series, “A Mother’s Journey” – a collection of stories in honour of all mothers, and those who are a mother at heart and spirit. I hope this would inspire and help other parents in some ways.)

“Do not compare your kids to others, do not compare yourself to other mums. Take every bit of advice people will give you with a grain of salt.  Do not listen to the haters! People will mum shame and make you feel like crap. But no one loves your kids more than you, so you do what you think is best!”  Aiesha “Melissa” Ahmed’s advice to new mothers.

At 34, she is a mother of two girls, Amina, 8, and Sumayyah, 2.

I admire Aiesha’s parenting style. Her strictness with routines and implementing rules and boundaries to her children yet loving them unconditionally is something I see as a solid foundation she is laying for her children to become individuals who will be equipped with life skills. 

Aiesha (Left) and Amina, her first born. Photo by Aiesha Ahmed

Aiesha spends full time with her girls while managing her business. She is the founder/owner of Twiga, a clothing company with a cause that supports two local charity organizations.

Although she got married young and conceiving should not have been a problem, that is not the case with Aiesha and her husband Adam. The couple had to wait eight years before their first born, Amina, came into their lives. Then the second child was given to them after six years.

For those who are still waiting for their little ones to come, to be honored to become a mother, she says, “Have patience. Allah is the best of planners. After 8 years of trying, it was only after I stopped stressing and focusing on it that I became pregnant with my first child.”

Now as a mother, she views motherhood “as a lifetime of emotions you never knew existed. Childbirth is a pain you never knew before and you never thought one could survive. You experience tiredness like the tiredness of a mother after immeasurable sleepless nights – you never knew someone could be so tired  but still function.”

With all the hardships and challenges one faces in caring for a child, Aiesha discovers a mother’s selflessness.  “A selflessness you never knew was possible to care more for someone else than yourself and someone you’d literally give everything of yourself for. And love, a love you can’t even put into words – just to look at your child and be filled to the brim is unconditional love,” shares Aiesha.

Witnessing the immense love that exists between her children is a wonderful feeling that Aiesha enjoys every single time.

She says,  “Watching the amazingly strong bond between my two kids is an amazing thing to see. Their love for each other is incredible.”

Sumayyah joins Amina during her Arabic-Qur’an class at the masjid (mosque). Photo by Aiesha Ahmed

A proud mom of Amina, who she has waited for so many years to be in her life, Aiesha is packed with joy watching her firstborn become the person that she is now.

“I am so proud to see how sweet and kind my oldest child is. She is everything I am not, and better than me in every way, that makes me so proud,” narrates Aiesha.  

Aiesha enriches Amina’s childhood with various experiential activities that she will be fond of looking back one day. (L-R) Amina dressed up as her favorite book character to a book fair; she was also recently awarded to become a girl guide after accomplishing all her badges and horse back riding is one of her weekly activities. Photo by Aiesha Ahmed

Besides being a sweet girl, Amina who is only 8, is already showing characteristics of a responsible, empowered and go-getter kind of girl. A happy girl, confident in her own skin and identity.

Motherhood is not a walk in the park, it has its ups and downs, and for the majority of us mothers, I am sure there are one or two things that frustrate us.

Picky eaters, potty training and teething are on Aiesha’s list of frustrating situations as a mother.  

Having been entrusted by Allah with these children, as a mother she aims to be the best to her children and give them the best childhood one can have and for these girls to become strong and happy adults.

“My greatest wish as a mother is to raise children that look back and remember their childhood fondly. I wish for them to grow up to be strong women that never waiver in their faith of Allah, and do great things to help the less fortunate in this world. I wish for them to be happy.”

And with the way it is, I am certain these girls will one day reminisce their childhood with a full heart.

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